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wally-jpeg.jpgThe NBA is back. February’s huge trades have spawned resurgence in interest. The Lakers are the proverbial favorite, debates wage on whether the Phoenix Suns improved their team by acquiring Shaq, Jason Kidd is reunited with the Dallas Mavericks, and Wally Szczerbiak’s hair is back on television with the Cleveland Cavaliers.

The legions of Wally’s World fans were unable to see their favorite player’s gorgeous mop while he played for the lowly Seattle Supersonics. Being on the West Coast, owning one of the worst records in the NBA, and unfairly being shipped to Oklahoma City next year, the Supersonics weren’t exactly a marquee franchise this year. Hence, few of their games have been televised nationally. Well, now that Wally is a Cleveland Cavalier, not only will the spiky-haired heartthrob be part of a playoff team, he’ll also be running alongside superstar LeBron James. Factors that equate to one thing: more face time for Wally Szczerbiak.

“I’m excited about our team picking up Wally,” LeBron James said.

“His hair is so well groomed. Even before the game I see him in the locker room putting various products on that pelt of his. It’s only been a couple games, but Wally’s vanity has helped made our team more focused.”

How exactly does vanity help a team?

“It keeps you alert,” say James. “On the court you have to be aware of Wally. You have to make sure to give him the fist instead of the high-five or else you’ll get gel all over your hand. Little things like that keep you on your toes.”

Szczerbiak’s presence, however, brings more than just hair product. His game has been described and embraced by his new teammates as “strictly white-boy,” which means that a player’s game is slow, un-athletic, and relies solely on jump shots.

“Wally’s game is slower than ‘There Will Be Blood,'” NBA veteran and new teammate Damon Jones said. “But it’s all good because when Wally is just standing at the three-point line; LeBron always has someone to kick the ball out to. He’s a good fit on and off the court for our team.”

When asked to describe the specific value of Szczerbiak off the court, Jones explained how Wally brings in a more diverse collection of groupies to the hotel lobby.

“Usually we have a pretty nice mix of┬áladies waiting for us when we’re on the road,” Jones said. “But since Wally’s been here, we’ve seen a drastic improvement in our team’s ability to attract preppy white girls.”

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